Beck

I didn't think we would have more than one child. In fact, I was so sure Frank would be an only child, I was in a newspaper article about parents of only children.

I had a really difficult pregnancy with Frank and had to be hospitalized for most of it. I was on TPN and very, very sick.

A couple of months after Frank was born, Doug and I discussed adoption, which he was strongly opposed to; surrogacy, which was a possibility; and having another child naturally, which neither of us thought was a good idea. I told Doug I felt as though there was someone missing, that there should be a fourth member of our family. I couldn't explain it, but I felt it.

A friend of mine considered carrying a baby for us, but decided against it. We were concerned about the overall expense of surrogacy anyway and the idea just seemed to fade with time. Periodically Frank would tell me that he was going to have a little brother or sister and I would gently explain that he wasn't. And he would say, "Yeah I am Mama. You'll see, he's coming." My heart would break each time.

The summer of 2003, we were on vacation, going to Canada Lake for my fortieth birthday, and I wasn't feeling well. I remember telling a couple of people before we left that I couldn't believe I was getting the flu right before a trip. We spent a couple of days in Pennsylvania with Doug's parents and I woke up each morning feeling like hell. By the afternoon I was okay. The third day it finally dawned on me, I told Doug, we made a mad dash for the pharmacy, and sure enough, I was pregnant.

There was some familial opposition to the pregnancy, but after much soul-searching while basking in the sun on the dock of our Canada Lake camp, I decided I was going to have this baby no matter what.

For the first four months, I wasn't sick, then it set in, and I ended up in and out of the hospital, blood transfusions and on an IV at home. All in all better than with Frank since I didn't have to stay in the hospital for weeks on end.

Beckett Slade Buchman was born a month early, but healthy as a horse. He is the missing piece of our puzzle, the one who makes our family complete. Our unexpected, but greatest source of joy. Frank is the best big brother there could be. He's compassionate and caring, protecting and nurturing. Remember, he knew Beckett was coming before we did, and he takes great care of him.

I pay close attention to every minute with Beckett. I didn't think I would hold a baby of my own in my arms again. I didn't think I would experience the absolute joy of rocking a newborn to sleep, seeing my child take his first step or hearing him say his first word.

Beckett, like Frank, is a gift from God.