Christmas

We celebrated Christmas today, which was probably a very smart thing to do. Today is my forty-fifth birthday and the first one without my mother. Fortunately I refrained from dwelling on it.

We woke up this morning, and because we'll be in Florida on Christmas Day, we celebrated Christmas. Complete with all the usual traditions, yuletide coffee cake, potato pancakes and too many presents for the boys. Beckett was more into opening presents this year, so it was more fun too. Every single thing he opened was exactly what he wanted. Every little thing in his stocking produced shrieks of joy and happiness.

Frank has shown no signs of missing my mom, which is beginning to worry me. I don't know if he is hiding it from me or avoiding it for himself. This was my first anticipation of his acknowledging that she isn't with us, but he doesn't seem to be.

My birthday is typically a miserable day. Too many bad memories from childhood I guess. Days when my mother worked and sent me to the local grocery store to pick up my own birthday cake, and I was Frank's age (he's eight). This year was different. Because it was "Christmas," the paradigm shifted. I was going to open the store (we're not usually open on Sundays), but decided against it. The boys took me to sushi for lunch and then Thad, Leecy and the kids came over for cake (which Doug and the boys went and got for me, I didn't have to do it myself!).

We leave in the morning to spend Christmas with Doug's parents, something we haven't done since Frank was six months old because of my mother. I'm really looking forward to another paradigm shift.

Thanksgiving

In an effort to do everything, or as much as possible, differently this year, we spent Thanksgiving in New Mexico. First stop was Santa Fe, which I grow more and more disappointed with each visit. The galleries are interesting, but seem somewhat trite, and completely full of themselves in spite of it. It was good to go, to know.

Next stop was Taos. Much better. Limited galleries in comparison, but such an enjoyable overall atmosphere. I was struck, markedly, by how impoverished New Mexico is. More than I remember. It would depress me far too much to ever consider living there.

Thanksgiving Day was fantastic. We opted for an early dinner out, which was good. The day before we had gone to the market and picked up lots of goodies. Did I mention we stayed at a bed and breakfast and had a 1,000 square foot suite? We went back to the B&B after dinner and hung out in our pjs, watching movies and snacking on our goodies throughout the afternoon and evening. The part of the B&B we were in seemed empty except for us, so I didn't feel as though the boys were disturbing anyone with their running about the room, and I was able to relax.

We awoke Friday morning to a winter wonderland. It had snowed Thanksgiving night and we were prepared to ski! We immediately jumped on the web and booked a room in Red River for the night. As luck would have it, everyone else had canceled reservations thinking it wasn't going to snow. Doug and I skied together for the first time since we've been together, Frank and Beck each took lessons and it couldn't have been a better way to celebrate the holiday. We skied two days and then made our way home Saturday afternoon.

Of course I had to make Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday, enough for at least sixteen people even though there are only four of us. Well we'll invite Tia and Chris over for leftovers since they didn't enjoy much of a Thanksgiving this year.

Thankfully (again), the store has been busy since the day after Thanksgiving. August started to slow down, September, October and the beginning of November have been dismal. Is it us? Monument? The national economy? God knows, but I'm praying for a decent December or we won't be in business by this time next year.

October Snowstorm

As we celebrate our second October as residents of Monument, I have become one of the people who readily accepts that there will be at least one snowstorm in the month of October, and it will be really cold on Halloween.

It snowed a couple of weeks ago, a full-blown snowstorm, snowing all night Saturday night and all day Sunday. Doug and Frank shoveled the driveway and the front walk, and then Monday morning at 5:00am I heard the snowplows come through and the sidewalk crews taking care of anyone's walk that hadn't already melted or been shoveled. And by the following Thursday it was a balmy 75 degrees, sunny and beautiful.

I like the October snowstorm. It reminds me of everything I still need to do to get ready for winter, and then I have several more weeks to actually get it all done. Summer clothes are put away, winter clothes are washed or dry cleaned. Winter coats, gloves and mittens, hats and scarves are bins in the garage and everyone has tried on winter boots to make sure they still fit.

This year our winter is made more complicated with the addition of Ballou to our family. He isn't quite a house dog, although someday soon we hope he calms down enough to be. In the meantime, I've started thinking about having boots and a jacket by the front door so those potty outings are a little easier on me. Doug has also completely rehabbed our garage. Bikes hang from the ceiling, snowboards and sleds are now within reach. Outside toys are in bins and Ballou's got a new doghouse complete with a great sheepskin and wool blanket to lay on.

I have a freezer now, one of the things I got from my mother's house. It is the only way I would have ever gotten a freezer, because had I told Doug I wanted one he would've given me one of those "you've lost your marbles" looks. Said freezer is now full, our trip to Sam's Club today made it so. Doug didn't do any complaining as I filled our shopping cart with freezables. Perhaps his mouth was watering with all of the pre-made dinners I merely have to thaw and heat and dinner will be on the table.

We eat at home almost seven nights a week. Occasionally there will be an exception, or a run to Subway on the way home from the art market, but mostly I make dinner and we eat as a family at home. I think we're all healthier for it and we certainly spend far less money than we did when we lived in California and had every type of restaurant we could imagine within a two mile radius. The freezer makes this much, much easier for me to handle, the eating at home every night part. And I think in general anything that reduces my overall stress level makes Doug happier.

The art market is almost entirely online at this point. For anyone who doesn't receive my emails, click here and you can sign up for them. Otherwise, click here and see what we have to offer. I'm working on adding the hundreds of Christmas decorations and will add twenty or so every day, so check in and see what great stuff we have!

Today is another 75 degree, sunny beautiful day, more like California than Colorado in late fall. Tomorrow will be a different story as temperatures drop to low fifties. That's okay, we're ready for whatever comes our way.

Beckett Dreams of Sushi

Yesterday Beckett was sick, some kind of stomach flu. He slept most of the day off and on and stayed on the couch until almost 5pm. By then, he was up and ready to eat. I started things slow, but he was starving and can always get Daddy to give him a pb&j sandwich. He held his own just fine and was his usual high-energy bundle of joy.

He must've been hungry in the middle of the night because I woke up this morning and there on the coffee table were the remains of the Whole Foods sushi pack I picked up on Friday. He polished off most of the salmon (both boys really prefer sashimi, so the rice is often left uneaten).

Today he woke up and wanted a haircut. Right away, before breakfast. Go figure.

More Mayberry (aka Monument) Life

Fall is wonderful here. We have had our first snow, but it melted in a day or two and it has been sunny, warm and beautiful since. This weekend we went and decorated pumpkins at the local feed store and then took a hayride history tour which was fun and interesting at the same time. Had lunch in town at the café and ran into Lucy and Kelly who sat and joined us. It's all very Capra-esque (but, of course, that is what I was looking for). Saturday night we went to a Halloween party with friends, Doug was Van Gogh, complete with a bloody bandaged ear and a reddish beard. Thad was Billy Idol and looked exactly like him, truly, it was eerie. He won a "coolest" costume award (at the bowling alley) so was in great spirits, but always is anyway.

Frankie's Report Card

Had a parent-teacher conference today and Frank got an outstanding report card. He was pretty far behind when we moved here and last year's first parent-teacher conference was alarming. He has worked so hard that he has not only caught up, but has also surpassed expectations for reading, math and science. I am so proud of him.

Micki's Retiring

Micki told me this morning that she's decided to retire. She'll be 75 in November and thinks it's time. Okay, I can accept that. Her timing is a little questionable, but everything happens for a reason and the truth is that whatever happens, happens and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.

Last Art Hop this Year

The last Art Hop of the season was last night. The turnout was good for October, although the artist was less than impressed. I overheard that she was disappointed that the Christmas merchandise was overpowering her art. I guess she may have been right, but we need to sell things in order to stay in business, so we had different priorities.

She left early, so we did too and had dinner with Jeri and her husband, which we've been trying to do for months. It was great to get together with them, but Doug and I were tired and babbling. We'll have to do it again when we're more ourselves. I feel like the last week has been such a whirlwind of activity that all I want to do now is sleep, for four days.

Sunday Night

Just took CJ, Janel and Jackson to the airport and we miss them already. We had such a great time while they were here. Thursday we unloaded the truck and showed CJ around town. In the afternoon CJ and I looked at some houses and then met up with Doug to pick up the boys. CJ was as impressed with Frank's school as anyone else who has seen it, and rightly so. Janel and Jackson flew in Thursday night and all of us went to DIA to pick them up. Stopped at our favorite after-airport spot, the Castle Café in Castle Rock, home of the best pan-fried chicken in Colorado (according to the best of Colorado books).

Friday we had breakfast at the Coffee Cup, looked around the market and then went to Denver and walked around Lodo, something Janel and I had done when she and I came here two years ago. Later we met up with Thad, Lecey and their kids at the local bowling alley, had a blast and then ordered pizzas and went back to the house to watch the Rockies game.

Saturday morning we all hit the farmer's market, then Janel and I did some shopping and had lunch while all the boys when hiking and fishing. We met up in the afternoon to go looking at houses and of course, there were several CJ and Janel just loved. We again met up with Thad and Lecey, had Danielle babysit (ALL of the kids, she's amazing!), and went down to Jack Quinn's. After too much to eat and drink, and so much laughter that my body ached, we went back to the house where all the kids were still awake. I played iPod DJ and the kids (and sometimes the adults) danced until after midnight.

Today we went to Garden of the Gods and then tried to spend some time at the house. I listened to the Rockies game on the way home from the airport, which kept me awake. They're off to the World Series, first time ever for them. Great fun.

Home Again, Home Again

Seems like I've used that title before, but I am home again. CJ decided he didn't want to stop, so we drove straight through.

Everything DID go like clockwork in California and CJ and I were on the road a little more than 2 hours after my plane landed. We made it to Colorado by noon today, very tired, in need of showers, but very, very happy to be home.

Opted not to go the Empty Bowl dinner tonight and will likely feel a million times better after a good night's sleep.

Off to California

I'm slated to leave for California in the morning. It'll be quick. Bonnie is picking me up at the airport, I'm going to the Neptune Society to pick up my mother's ashes, picking up the reserved U-haul truck, driving to Home Depot to pick up a couple of Mexican guys to help me load the truck, driving to the storage unit, loading the truck and then meeting CJ who will drive with me here. We have to stop in Riverside to pickup some things from my mother's house and then head to Colorado. It all needs to go like clockwork, or not. I'm anxious to simply get back home to my husband, children and store, so can't sleep and will be very tired on the drive I'm sure. I hope to make Flagstaff at least before we stop, we'll see.

Mayberry

We live in Mayberry, or something so close to it, it's eerie. The other day I dropped Beckett off at preschool. Driving down Third Street, I noticed glass in the road, a lot of it. So I turned right out of the parking lot when I left, took Front Street around to Second Street and swung by town hall on my way to the market.

When I walked into town hall, Claudia, deputy town clerk, said, "Well good morning there Heather, how're you doin' today?" I responded in kind and then went on to tell her about the glass on Third Street. She picked up the phone, spoke to someone who clearly answered at the other end, hung up, and said, "It'll be taken care of right away, thanks for lettin' us know and have a great rest of your day!" Pleasant and happy as can be, and sure enough, I have no doubt it was taken care of in fifteen minutes or less.

Claudia is also the "owner" of Big Mama's Dogs, or BBQ, or whatever she's calling it that day. She got a cart, and a gas grill, an umbrella and a couple of folding tables, and she's at the Farmer's Market every Saturday. She starts off selling breakfast burritos and then moves into hot dogs, bratwurst and burgers as the day goes on. She also has grilled corn and other grilled veggies depending on the offerings at the farmer's market that week.

The night of the Chuck Pyle free concert in Limbach Park, "Big Mama" was there. She wasn't selling sodas that night because she had agreed with the HMMA merchants (historic monument merchants association), that she wouldn't since they were as a fundraiser. They were also selling lots of homemade cookies and brownies and rice crispy treats in order to raise money for a bandshell. Now all of this may seem very mundane to you, but to me it's all part of the whole Mayberry thing. Second Street Art Market and Bella Art & Frame hosted one of the concerts this year too, selling 18 dozen homemade goodies and raising $250+ for the band shell.

So anyway, back to Claudia. The night of last concert she was there and Beckett was thirsty, but the bookstore ladies weren't set up yet, so Beckett couldn't get a drink. She overheard him telling me he was thirsty. She poured some root beer (she sees him every week at the farmer's market, she knows his taste), and came over and gave it to him. She said, "well I agreed not to sell them, but I didn't say I wouldn't give my 'boyfriend' somethin' to drink."

She's also married to one of the Monument town policeman. Mayberry.

Not That Bad?

I told my neighbor and friend today that I had to go to California to take stuff out of my mom's house. I think I had told her already, but she continued to try to make me feel better about it.

There were two things she said, and again, I know she was trying to make me feel better, the first was that it wouldn't be that bad. It's going to be bad, there isn't any way around it being bad. I may be able to get through it better than I think I can, but no matter what, it's going to be bad. Under the best of circumstances, it would be bad. These are among the worst of circumstances, so it's going to be bad(der). The second thing she said was that I would one day have good memories of my mother. I suppose there is a remote possibility somewhere in the universe that she is right. But somehow I don't think it is probably that I will have good memories of my mother, ever.

Whether there is a heaven or not has really been something I've always been skeptical about, but now, I am even more skeptical. Because how could there be a place that I could go to someday, encounter my mother, and not be unhappy with her. How is that possible? I just can't wrap my head around the concept.

Another thing happened today. I sat in my office not having any idea whatsoever how I was going to face this woman on Saturday, even surrounded by friends there to help me through it. She was so downright heartless and nasty to me when my mother died. I sat there and sat there and suddenly it occurred to me that every single movie I've ever seen about someone dying, the wife, or children, or whoever, take something to help them get through it. So I called my doctor, who agreed that I should probably take something on Saturday to help me. She only gave me a couple pills, told me to try 1/2 of one tonight to see how I respond to it, and then told me to either call her or see if I can gauge it for Saturday. I feel much better, already. It will probably make me somewhat sleepy, but I won't be driving, and there will be people there to help me and I'm sincerely hoping it helps me keep my mouth shut. Anything I say to this woman will only make me lose more of me, of my soul, so I am determined to rise above her and not let her get to me.

The other thing is, if we don't finish it all on Saturday, CJ can make arrangements to go back another day and take out whatever might be left. I'll just be there to see what it is I want, pack stuff up that needs to be, and move some of it out.

Frankie's Eight

Frank turned eight yesterday. On one hand hard to believe, on the other hand is he only eight? He had a great birthday. The best part, he said, was getting to hang out with his family all day. We took yesterday off, Beck took yesterday off pre-school, and we hung out . . . the four of us and the newest member of our family . . . Ballou, our three-month-old "black and blue" Cocker Spaniel boy puppy. Will post photos soon.

Frank's having a Boom Boom Huck Jam sleepover next Saturday night. Five boys. Overnight. No problem. Five boys bringing skateboards, bikes, etc., well, that could be more of a problem.

Fourteen Years Old . . . Forever?

I live with three fourteen-year-olds. One who thinks he's fourteen, one who acts like he's fourteen and one who gets treated like he's fourteen. That's life with three "boys" I guess. Just glad they all act their age sometimes I guess. It's likely I'm really "in for it" as the years go by. Wouldn't change a thing though, I love my three boys.

Are They Real?

We have solar-powered butterfly mobiles in the market.

The other day Frank was sitting at the counter at the iPod listening station and I saw him studying one of the mobiles. He whispered to me, "Mom, are the butterflies REAL?" I told him they weren't. He said, "But Mom, they're making it MOVE." There was such awe and wonder in his voice.

I love Frank so much.

Storypeople

The loss is not yours alone, she said and you will see it in their eyes when they do not think you are watching. How long does it take? I said and she put her hand on my chest and we did not speak.

from their site: www.storypeople.com

Another bad day

Thursdays seem to be bad days for me. Not sure why. I had another really hard day today. Doug hung out at the market all morning, and Micki was in today, which always makes me feel better. We did get a lot done, our grand opening is in nine days.

Finally Doug and I left around 1pm and went to Mozaic for lunch. He hadn't been before so it was a welcome retreat. It is so unbelievably beautiful here, and I was sorely in need of that reminder.

It isn't often that I'm down more than one day in a row, and usually by later in the day I feel better. And if I don't, I wake up the next morning ready to go again. There have been few times of exception in my life. I anticipate feeling ready to face the world again tomorrow morning.

One foot in front of the other, I just need to keep reminding myself of that. The reminders of mother's day around the corner do not help. I don't relish the idea of the days leading up to it or that day. It will be very difficult I'm sure.

Snow Day

We had a snow day yesterday. Unbelievable. Couldn't see across the street; three, four and five foot drifts. It's supposed to be in the seventies this weekend. Colorado.

The good news is that I got the Art Hop website done. I know it looks a lot like the market's website, but at least they've got a website this year right? And it was free.

Syd's New CD is Out

Highly recommend it. Check it out.

Grief Manifestation

Grief manifests itself if unpredictable ways. I picked Beckett up from school and there was a card in his cubby addressed to him. I waited until I got home to open it, and it was from his preschool teacher saying goodbye to him.

The next morning when I dropped him off I asked about his teacher. They confirmed that the day before had been her last day.

I cried for five hours. Literally. Uncontrollable sobbing. I just couldn't have one more person leave my life without saying goodbye.

Unexpected. Jarring. Wrenching. Awful.

One Foot in Front of the Other

These days that's about all I can do. The art market is keeping me busy and for that I am thankful.

I have written so much here about how happy I am that we moved to Monument and have been continually surprised as it just seems to get better and better, never what one truly expects.

I am amazed every day by the extraordinary generosity exhibited by the people of this town. We had a meeting yesterday morning for the annual Art Hop, and most of the people there, many of whom have already given me a card, came up and expressed their sorrow about my mother, hugged me sincerely, and then many told me their own stories or somehow shared their empathy. With or without their own story of a loved one's passing, most had tears in their eyes.

One man shared that soon after his mother passed away, he also lost his brother. He lifted one of his feet and told me that his brother bought brand new running shoes just before he died, and now he wears them every day so he takes his brother with him everywhere he goes. The shoes are almost falling apart at this point and he said that when they do, he'll take them to Sabrina (who owns Bella Art & Frame) to have them put in a memory box that he will then keep displayed. I was so moved by this, as was Doug when I told him last night when I got home.

I haven't felt alone since I arrived home last week, and other than being with Doug, Frank and Beckett, little makes me happier than being in the market. Two women came in yesterday afternoon and bought a painting and some other things. As they were leaving, one said, "This is such a happy place, I don't want to leave. You've created a place where one just wants to stay, just to be here. It's so warm and inviting." Music to my ears as you can well imagine, just what I set out to do, so glad others are feeling it.

Another merchant yesterday introduced herself and told me she "was the one who wrote a card saying to call her about getting a massage." She went on to say that she didn't "just write that," she meant it, and at this time I needed to allow others to take care of me whether it was through hugs or a massage. Turns out, her Yoga and massage studios have just moved in across the street from the art market, and she walked over yesterday afternoon to say hello and give me logos and artwork for the Art Hop brochure. I will call her later and schedule a massage, because sometimes it is important to graciously accept what others want to do for you or give to you. It isn't always easy for us to do, but I know I am always pleased when someone allows me to do something for them that I've offered to do, and then feel closer to them from then on.

The ladies at the Gallery Center want to plant a tree in front of the art market in my mother's memory, and while Doug and I were initially hesitant, I am comfortable with and honored by their offer. I think it will be especially nice for Frank and Beckett and I will love to look at it and think about how it honors and celebrates her memory in a positive way that also signifies growth and how times moves on, with us or without us. Given there is nowhere else to "visit" her, or leave flowers as I do when we go to East Aurora and I go to St. John's Lutheran Church and I leave red geraniums at my grandparents' grave, this will provide a place to for her to "be."

I have much to do with the grand opening, Art Hops and day to day existence and I am thankful for that. I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and take things day by day. The hardest part is overcoming the urge to pick up the phone and tell my mother all these things.

Heaven Knows

Not sure why, but I found "heaven knows" running through my head all day. I had to think about it to even recognize or remember what song it was, because there is only one part that seems to play over and over in my head, but the voices and music are so soothing it somehow comforts me, even though the words don't seem to really relate, or even matter.

While I am the first to admit how much I love music, I find myself somewhat puzzled by how often Syd's music moves me. I suppose it is because I know him personally, but I still find it unsettling, truly unsettling. I guess it doesn't really matter, just something I think about from time to time.

I do want to be careful though. When my grandfather died, I listened to Tuck & Patti's version of "Time After Time," too much. There was one part, "I'm walking too far ahead, you're calling to me, I can't hear what you said. Then you say, go slow, I fall behind, the second hand unwinds. If you're lost you can look and you will find me. If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting." Still reminds me of him, and in a sad way, truth is it rips me apart. I wouldn't want that with Heaven Knows, I don't want it with any song. I don't really want to relive this pain over and over and over again whenever I hear any particular song.

Two Things About Frankie

There are two things that came to mind today that I want to be sure to remember about Frankie. One is, his shirts are always buttoned incorrectly. It is the cutest thing. He's always off at least one button, always. Oh, and he always puts his turtlenecks on backwards. It's never a fifty-fifty thing, they're always backwards. But that isn't the second thing.

The second thing is how he looks at someone passing away. A couple of years ago, when the pope died, Frank caught glimpses of some of the media coverage. He came to me and said, "I don't understand Mom, why are all these people crying?" I told him they were sad because the pope died. He said, "That doesn't make any sense. This is the happiest day of his life, he gets to go to HEAVEN." He really emphasized the word heaven, with so much feeling that I envied his conviction.

When my mother's dog, Trooper, died a few weeks ago, he echoed the same opinion. He said, "Mom, can you IMAGINE what dog heaven must be like?" He said it with such enthusiastic veracity, I once again found myself envying the depth of his belief.

True to form, Frank is quiet and cautious with me right now. However, Micki told me that Doug and Frank stopped by the market either while I was gone or right after I got back. She asked him how he was doing and he walked right over to hug her, which was probably more letting her hug him. I feel that way about her too. I am thankful for her presence every day.

My Mom

My mother died this past Tuesday. I flew to California on Wednesday and came home on Thursday. The complexities of what my mother did in terms of her will and trust are things I will never write about and would prefer to simply forget.

These have been among the hardest days of my life so far, and the only thing that has saved me from completely falling apart is that my husband has continually reminded me through his words and actions that he loves me, far more than I've probably ever realized he did. And my children have shown how much they love and care about me and even though they're just little guys, they are most worried about their mommy and that is their only concern. And my friends, both in California and here have shown how much they care about me. In California my friends surrounded me through their presence and phone calls in such a way that I felt enveloped in a hug from them the entire time I was there.

Since I've been back here, friends and acquaintances, fellow merchants and people I don't believe I even know, have sent cards, stopped by to offer their condolences, sent flowers, given us dinner and come by to give me a hug. And I've only been home a little over twenty-four hours.

I miss my mom. She was supposed to be here right now. She was supposed to fly in on the same flight I came home on. I was not ready for this, I expected her to drive me crazy well into her nineties. I don't want to think about this weekend without her here and I don't want to think about the next few months without the possibility of seeing her at least every other month. I want to wake up and find this was a horrible dream, or that someone made a mistake and she isn't really dead.

I told Doug Tuesday night that I couldn't shake the feeling that I should call my mother. After all, something happened, whenever some happened, I called my mother. I can't imagine ever being able to shake that feeling.

So DAMN Good

Okay, I've said this over and over and over again. Syd is just so damn good. He's got two songs from his new CD on his myspace page (what a tease), and they are both so good I can't stand it. Give 'em a listen.

In case I haven't mentioned it ten million times yet, Syd is going to be at Second Street Art Market for our grand opening on May 5. That's May 5th, Second Street Art Market, in Monument, Colorado. Will you be there too???

Bu-ti-ful

Beckett's word of the moment is beautiful, pronounced bu-ti-ful. Everything is butiful, his matchbox cars, "Mommy, look this car is buuu-ti-ful."

Tonight he came upstairs, wearing only his pull-up, carrying Frank's old Ninja Turtle costume and asked me to help him put it on. He said, "Mommy, you help me put dis on, make me butiful. I be butiful Mom." Um, okay, Ninja Turtles = beautiful. Gotta look for beauty everywhere I guess.

Water Sick and Orange Sick

Beckett calls Pedialyte (Clear), Water Sick and Pedialtye (Orange), Orange Sick. And now he's better. He slept off and on all day today, and when he woke up this afternoon, his tummy had recovered. Much relief. He ate a hearty dinner and kept saying how good it was.

He was trying to get me to go to the grocery store this afternoon and when I said no, he got a little ornery with me. Then he smiled and was playful about it. He looked just like his cousin Quentin when he did it. It was eerie.

Skype, Beck's Sick and Knowing Who You Are

Poor little Beckett has the stomach flu, again. He hasn't kept anything down since Saturday, so I'm going to try to take him in to the doctor today just to make sure he's not too dehydrated. Once when we were in Mammoth, he got so dehydrated he had to spend four or five hours on IV until his fluids got replenished and his fever and heart rate went down. He's soooo hungry and thirsty, which is the hardest part, but then he just loses everything.

I've been trying to get Timbuktu set up so I can access the market computer from home and vice versa, but haven't had much luck with all the firewall, router, port nonsense one has to go through in order to make it work. Yesterday I went to the Timbuktu website and there on the home page, they really made a HUGE thing of Skype. My friend Bonnie had encouraged me to get Skype, but I've had a little bit on my mind and never got around to it.

As it turns out, supposedly if two computers are set up with Skype, it is easy to use Timbuktu. I haven't exactly figured that part out yet, but I think I'm close. HOWEVER, for at least a year, maybe longer, I have periodically tried to figure out iChat videoconferencing, also to little success.

Signed up for Skype and voila, the entire Buchman clan is now videoconferencing up a storm. So glad to have ONE computer issue resolved. I also installed a new system on Frank and Beck's computer and now somehow they no longer have airport functionality. I'm so frustrated about that I can't even tell you. Certain things are just supposed to work, and having been a Mac geek since 1998, and Apples prior to that, I've always been able to figure everything out myself. While I love OSX, I guess, the obstacles I've faced with the higher level of operating system sophistication, meaning it works better on a network and no longer allows people to "mess up" their system, also means for me that I can no longer figure out how to "fix" things.

The third subject mentioned in the title of this post, is knowing who you are. Or maybe it would've been better stated by "knowing who I am." I am forty-four years old, and last night it occured to me that at this time of my life, I actually feel comfortable with who I am and what my life is about. I certainly hope the store makes money, sooner rather than later, but otherwise, I don't have "doubt." Moving here was the smartest, best possible thing we could have done. Each member of our family is happier here, and all for different reasons. Beckett gets to spend more time with us instead of caregivers, Frank loves the laided back lifestyle, how much friendlier and nicer everyone is. Now that we have a planned source of income, Doug is relaxing and enjoying the beauty of this place. The landscape of this environment is all about the kinds of things he loves, the hiking trails are endless, and most unmarked, which he has decided should be his legacy. He's entering the John Muir stage of his life I think.

Anyway, I could go on forever, but I have to go to Safeway and get some pedialyte for Beckett.

Swimmin in the Deep Blue Sea

If you ever watch Bravo's Inside the Actor's Studio, you may pick up on a common thread that many actors become "entertainers" to make their mothers laugh, etc.

Well, I LOVE music, love it. No ambivalence whatsoever. So Frankie comes up to me just about every day to tell me about songs he's written. Last Friday he sang, "Yummy, Yummy Soda," to me. Tonight he came up to tell me that his new song titles are, "Swimmin in the Deep Blue Sea," "Doggie Woggie," "We Gotta Fight," and something else about dogs, but I can't remember the name exactly. He's kinda in to the Beach Boys right now, so I would imagine that most of the tunes sound familiar, in a Beach Boy-y way. It's a hoot.

Frank is really holding me to my commitment to not work so much. Last Sunday he overheard me tell our neighbor Dani that I was going to take Monday off and sit in the sun. As it turned out there wasn't any sun, and I did take the day off in a way. I went down to the wholesale flower market and bought lots of fresh (wholesale) flowers, arranged them, put some more inventory on the floor, oh, and on the way back from the flower market, I stopped in at Terre Verde and CJ Kard to do something spying, I mean shopping.

Doug picked Frank up from Children's Choice and they stopped by the market (the art market) on the way to Tae Kwon Do and he said, "HEY MOM, YOU weren't going to work today, you were going to sit in the sun. WHAT'S GOING ON?" Yep, he yelled at me. I asked him if he was worried I was working too hard. He said, "Didn't you learn anything after falling off that ladder?" Outa the mouths of babes I tell ya. Pure wisdom.

My Friend Bonnie

Bonnie called today, she and Doug just got home from a trip, and as it turns out, she was inducted into the Scuba Diving Hall of Fame. I'm very proud of her. Congratulations Bonnie, you deserve many accolades, not only for this, but for many other things as well.

Monsters Inc. . . . on ICE!

Our friend and boys' babysitter Danielle was kind enough to pass on three tickets to the Monsters Inc. on ice show at the World Center tonight to us. I'm taking the boys and Doug is staying home and relaxing. It is often Doug that does things alone with the boys so I am particularly happy that I get to take them tonight.

I told Frankie last night on our way to a birthday party. He was soooo excited about going. He got a little sad that Daddy had to stay home alone, but then I reminded him that Daddy got to do lots and lots of things with just him and Beck and that I rarely did, and then he said, "Okay Mom, I get it, it's all good." A little bit of CJ shining through with those words.

When Doug made his way to Colorado last year ahead of us, I got to spend lots of time with just the two boys, and I miss that sometimes. Not that I'm not glad we're all in one place again, I just think I need to schedule more "dates" with my boys.

Small-ness

I'm feeling the pain of a small town right now, and remembering more and more how it was. One good thing about gigantic, urban-sprawl-infested cities, is you don't have to deal with some of the painful things that go along with small towns.

I'm used to both, big and small. I detest the isolation of a big city, but I detest the pettiness and smallmindedness that comes along with a small town; the pervasive envy that spreads like poison ivy and the propensity for cattiness. I had another merchant come into the store today, I didn't talk with her but overheard her talking to Micki. I was so sad at the things she felt it was necessary to say about other businesses in town, and also how important it was to her to communicate that while some of "her customers" may have shopped at our store, she wanted to make it clear they belonged to her. I sat in my office chuckling to myself, and felt very thankful I was in my office and not talking with her directly.

She also said that she had talked with the former gallery owners, also the building owners about leasing the space herself, but she didn't really see how a store like ours or hers could really make it given the rent. And finally I overheard her directly and boldly telling a lie about something and had to make my way out into the gallery area, not to confront her, but simply to get her to STOP talking by changing the subject before she dug herself in any deeper.

Fortunately for all of us, customers came in just then and she hightailed it for the door.

I am also fortunate in having the age children I have. I am reminded through them that we often behave the worst when we should behave the best, because we're feeling insecure, and our behavior, particularly bad behavior is almost invariably directly linked to our insecurities, unless overly-tired or overly-hungry comes into play.

Maybe the unpleasant lady was just hungry. I should've offered her something to eat.

Alone in the Store Today

I was the sole proprietor of the market today. It was the best. I got to talk to customers and do what I wanted when I wanted to, sorta, and within reason. I priced things when I felt like, I worked on the POS system when I felt like it, I ate lunch when I felt like it. I didn't feel guilty when Dani and I sat at the pub table in the front window and chatted for an hour, because being in our store is my job. I warmly greeted another business person who came down to welcome me, and invited her to bring her dog in, who Dani graciously held onto so the visitor and I could chat. I sent an ad to one of the local newspapers and thought about updating a mailing list, but didn't. I came home and read a magazine and a catalog, cuz that's kinda my job too. And I thought about ordering Christmas stuff before Herm calls me and tells me I have to start thinking about it.

For anyone reading this who has thought about "doing something" or moving somewhere, or undertaking some new adventure . . . . . . let me tell you, for us, this has been worth every iota of effort we have put into it. I cannot believe how much better our life is, how much happier we all are, Doug, me AND the boys. I won't ever feel the coulda, shoulda, wouldas, because we dida. And while it wasn't without its periods of difficulty and anxiety and especially hard work, I reiterate that it has been worth every single ounce of energy we put into making it happen.

So in a nutshell, I guess Nike was right, just DO it.

About as happy as a person can be . . .

I talked with Syd today, who will be coming to Second Street Art Market and playing on Saturday, May 5th. It is official. Officially. So, he's the first person scheduled to visit us. Who's next? C'mon you guys, how long have Doug and I been talking about doing this? We're really doing this, we're open, we're selling things to people. So come and see us.

Photos Photos Photos

Did I already use that title? Anyway, I think I MAY have figured out the photo thing. If I did here they are, and if I didn't, here is where you can go to see them.

Our First Day

Today was Second Street Art Market's first day of business. All in all, it was pretty damn good. We had consistent traffic throughout the day, several sales and some "former" regular customers who not only came in to check us out but made some purchases as well.

We aren't currently running any advertising since we wanted a few days to get our feet wet before driving larger numbers into the store, so I am pleased overall with how many people actually came in. Many who did, hadn't realized we weren't open prior to today or didn't know at all that we weren't ever open. Another good thing.

Fewer "friends" stopped by to visit today than I had expected but I would assume they were just giving us some space our first day and I appreciate that. Sabrina and Maggie from next door brought pastries (Sabrina) and a beautiful lily (Maggie) and that was very sweet of them to do. Danielle left a note on the door wishing us luck and that was a wonderful way to start the day. Dani was the first person in the door and wanted to be the first person to make a purchase after we opened, and she was. I really appreciated that, it was also such a wonderful way to start the day and so thoughtful of her to do. She's like that. I'm not certain I would have remembered to be so thoughtful had the situations been reversed. She also brought a bottle of champagne, which again was so thoughtful.

There is a commercial running right now that I would imagine most everyone has seen, and I say that because I NEVER watch television but I've somehow still seen it so I can't imagine how anyone else could have avoided it. Anyway it is for some sleep aid, and Abraham Lincoln and an animal, like a beaver, speak to this guy who can't sleep and tell him his dreams miss him.

In remembering that this was our dream, for many years, it is important to also acknowledge and accept that every so often something equally bizarre enters into a dream, on the order of a beaver or Abe Lincoln, and that doesn't necessarily alter the overall dream itself. We had a couple of those, ranging from really bizarre to downright disappointing in terms of behavior, but again, the dream itself was hardly diminished, rather it is more vivid in the opportunity to one day look back and laugh at the ridiculousness of certain situations, and be thankful that we were able to do so, and especially with laughter.

I will be in the store by myself tomorrow, or at least not with Micki. I appreciate that the fact that she is sensitive enough to allow me that space. I intend to stay focused throughout the day and mindfully and purposefully experience the reality of this dream come true.

Sometimes you just have to say HOLY S&!T

There are times that there are no better words to describe shock or surprise at something, and last night as I was zipping through the iPod list looking for SYD at the party we had at Second Street Art Market for the artists, I suddenly realized that our GRAND OPENING is scheduled for May 5th, which is almost EXACTLY one year from the date of our going away party in California, which I think was May 6th. Both fall on Saturdays, so it's close enough to one year to illicit a HOLY S?!T outa me. How about that.

Love My Life

As I read back through posts, I so appreciate the idea of a journal, or in this case, a blog. Mainly there are things about my boys I want to remember and if I write about them here, quickly, without over thinking it, I'll have a place to go that will remind me how much I love my life.

Every day is something new at the market. Beautiful things, people visit, I walk from the kitchen into the main gallery and get a completely different view of it then from the front door. I cannot believe this is actually happening.

This morning I've put together the play list for opening day, or week. People like James Morrison (could he be getting more press?), Josh Kelley, Josh Rouse, Kate Earl, Jonatha Brooke, The Fray, Rachael Yamagata, Gavin DeGraw, Matt Kearney, Matt Nathanson, Matt Ryczek, Matt York, Micah Dalton, Sean Dalton, Sonya Kitchell and Syd. Plus a little Van Morrison.

Beckett and I went and ran errands this weekend. He LOVES shopping. Every day when I pick him up he says, "go shopping mom and to the grocery store." I don't know how shopping is different than going to the grocery store, or where it is he wants to go other than the grocery store. But this weekend we went to Michaels and CompUSA and Whole Foods. He was such a good helper, and kept telling me he was my friend. Right now he's asleep next to me. He got up about 4am and came upstairs. He just woke up, rolled out of bed and came to sit on the floor next to me where I'm writing. He snuggled up, then went back to sleep. THIS is why I love my life.

Yesterday I was looking at photographs of Frank pre-age four, when Beckett was born. He was just as much of a snuggler. We had a conversation about how we don't snuggle anymore, and its just like Frank to make sure that now we do. Since our conversation he walks up and hugs me and then just holds on and holds on and holds on, and then asks if we can sit and snuggle.

And Doug, is funny and positive and helpful. It used to be I'd come home and he'd be reading the paper or watching the news and he didn't really acknowledge me that much, or take note of the fact that I was bringing boxes o' stuff into the house. Now, everyday (just about) he helps me bring all my stuff in, may seem insignificant, but the bottom line is he's connected, plugged in, participating, involved. And all those things are Doug when he's happier.

March 21, the First Day of Spring

It is official, we're opening on March 21st, the first day of Spring. Things are GREAT, the market gets better every single day. I marvel at least once an hour at how our dream is coming true. People stop in to find out when we're opening and then sheepishly ask if there are any opportunities for pre-opening purchases. Our sign and an "Opening . . . " banner will go up early next week, and at this point I think we're only waiting for three or four more shipments of merchandise to arrive.

I am overwhelmed, stressed out, concerned about everything I need to get done, but having fun still throughout it all. I LOVE the things we're selling, and that makes it all so easy to do. When someone comes in and comments on a particular piece, I have sincere passion and enthusiasm about whichever piece it is, and it is a wonderful feeling.

An artist stopped in yesterday to say she was in another gallery in town, a prominent one, but wanted to be with us instead. She said she had an agreement not to sell the work in the other gallery for six months, but had enough inventory of other stuff to provide us with different work and sit on the other inventory for a while after she took it out of the other place. I don't know for certain if we'll take her on, but it is certainly a good feeling to have someone say these things when we're not even open yet. The crazy thing is the other gallery is having an opening for her that begins tonight. Even still, she was almost desperate to be in our place rather than theirs. I felt for her, and obviously we wouldn't do anything until her other show ended, which will be more than a month from now.

I've gotten more active (already) in the town merchant's association than I want to be, but circumstances are such that I simply cannot give them the time they'd like no matter what since I have so much still to do before we open.

With that, I'm off to get ready, get the boys ready and head over there. If you haven't already, check out our website at www.secondstreetart.com. Oh, and plan a visit to Monument, okay?

Eric Clapton

Doug and I saw Eric Clapton at the Pepsi Center in Denver two nights ago. I have gone to A LOT of concerts, and love live music. However, there simply aren't words to describe the experience of seeing Eric Clapton perform live. This was the best concert I have ever been to, hands down, no question, he is amazing and that doesn't even begin to describe it.

When I am 115, I will still remember seeing "Layla" performed live, it is a memory I will retain purposefully.

Doug and I had a great time. It was just the two of us, and our seats were in the 12th row, directly in the center. I could see Clapton smile and laugh, sigh and close his eyes while he was playing.

We took the light rail from Lone Tree to the Pepsi Center, which was fun, but probably not something we would do again, just because it took so long and as it turned out we didn't see any traffic on Interstate 25, which runs parallel to the light rail route.

There's more, including a funny store about the couple we sat across from on the way back, and something about Doug telling me to let him know if we both had to jump up quickly. (Both of them were really drunk. Doug and I were both greatly relieved to overhear them call their kids for a ride home from the light rail station since neither one could have possibly driven.) But I'll save all that for another post later.

One Month, Three Days and Counting

So a little over a month ago we signed the lease on what is now Second Street Art Market. So much has been accomplished in this time, and whenever I get discouraged about the progress I'm making, I just go back and figure out how long ago it was that we even decided to do this, and what I've gotten done since then.

The website is now officially up and running, www.secondstreetart.com, and for the most part I'm pretty happy with it. There is one artist that I don't have any images for, but I've left her in anyway, just cause I like her, and I'll add photos of her work when I get them. I'll have many more artists to add either when I get their bio, get their agreement or get their photos.

We went visiting today and I met the owner of another gallery in the area. It is more of a "gallery" in the traditional sense, and she knew the former owner of our place. She and I are going to have lunch sometime soon, perhaps even Tuesday of this week, and I think we'll be comrades. She had some words of wisdom about an artist I'm already working with and I appreciate the heads up. She also has a referral for me, someone she doesn't mind "sharing" and thinks will do well up in Monument.

This week we got more display and POS stuff in, and Micki and I set up the POS "cash register" system and agreed on our numbering system as well as the layout and information necessary for item input. She'll be getting items entered this week, I'll design the little tags that will go on all the products, we'll print the labels for each product and away we go.

Some more artists brought work in, the signs for the building are designed, approved and materials ordered and I would imagine that within ten days or so our signs will be up (and I will post photos). We also received our resale number in the mail, and so were able to get our Town of Monument business license in the works.

This coming week I have to update insurance, place orders for wholesale accounts and finish getting the POS stuff setup. I also have to update the ads for Art Hop with our logo and information, as well as put together a media plan for Art Hop for Lucy and I to take and present to the other merchants and finalize participation. I should probably send "official" business cards to print rather than continuously printing new ones myself and trimming them with an x-acto blade!!

I also have to get on music in a serious way, so I'll tackle that this week as well. And find another employee, plan the opening dinner for the artists, design and order opening soon banners, and probably another ten or thirty things I haven't thought of yet.

Danielle is babysitting tonight so we can go out for dinner with Doug's parents. I'm so looking forward to some adult time and an enjoyable, relaxing dinner and then a good nights' sleep!

Photos, photos, photos

Since I can't figure out how to load photos to this blog now that the software has changed a little bit, I've posted photos elsewhere of the gallery.

Go here.

More updates to follow tonight or tomorrow.

Happy Birthday Beckett!

Today is Beckett's third birthday. It was a great day. This morning was fairly normal, the boys both went to school and then Doug and I went up to Castle Rock to pick up the new car. Since I had done most of the work ahead of time, negotiated the deal online and over the phone, we were only there about an hour to sign papers, turn in our old car and pick up the new one. I got another Pacifica, and it's a car I like. It's nice to drive, has plenty of room, lots of nice features, moreso with the newer version. This one has a moonroof, a power liftgate (which both opens and closes), GPS and a back-up camera. All pretty cool.

Micki was back from Las Vegas today, although between going to Castle Rock this morning and then leaving early for Beck's birthday, we didn't have much time to review things. A couple of the artists came in to sign agreements, or pick them up to review them. She also started scheduling having work brought in.

Next week I'll make some more headway with artists outside of the area. At this point I've been in contact with more than twenty, and will do a spreadsheet to see where I'm at with product mix.

Beckett and I got home early today, but Frank was still with his tutor. We kept busy and then the minute Cathy left, Beck started opening presents. The first thing he saw was the QUAD Doug got him. He thought it was Frank's but will get to play with it tomorrow and that will make it his. Then he opened more gifts and played with them all. We were going to go out for dinner, but he was having so much fun playing, we decided to just eat in.

Tomorrow is his party and he'll LOVE it. He's got a few friends from school coming over, we'll have pizza and cake and he'll be the center of attention. It will definitely be different than how it usually is, since Frank is typically the center of attention.

Some new reference books arrived today, retail space layout, display ideas, why we buy handbooks. I've been pouring through them all, soaking in as much as I can, although my vision for the store remains the same. I'm very anxious for inventory to start arriving so I can start setting things up and also so I can get the POS software up and running. It will be exciting to run our first sale through and then start tracking sales history.

Thad, a potter, stopped in today to drop off a present for Beckett, how sweet, and told me about a friend of his who is making some really cool birdhouses. They sound wonderful and I'm very anxious to see them.

Too tired to continue but tomorrow I will try to post photos.

More Progress

I had to take a look back to see what has happened since my last post. The carpets were cleaned and most of the new lighting was installed. I put tracks with pendants where the shoplights were behind the counter and what a difference! It adds so much to the counter area. We put new lights in the kitchen, which are much nicer, and a pendant in my office. There are tracks that match the pendant waiting to be installed in my office and a new light fixture in the bathroom, and that should be done Wednesday.

We met with Don, who does woodwork, on Friday and are anticipating an estimate from him today. I did order a few more display pieces online, and we're having Don build some pedestals as well as a card display along the front of the counter. One of the windows has a shelf along the base, and we had him estimate putting shelves on the other three windows as well since he was the one who did the first one.

Micki and I decided which POS software to order and thankfully she was willing to try a different one than the former gallery owners used (since the one we decided on is a fraction of the cost of the other), the one we're going with is also written for the Mac, so it isn't necessary for him to use the PC software I got and can return it. I'll get that software on order today and start working with it in "mock company" mode so by the time we open it will be running smoothly.

We've decided on several artists and have started receiving product. This week I'm planning to contact artists outside of the local area, as well as get the missing names and phone numbers of former artists from the former owner.

We have a planning meeting on Wednesday for the Art Hop, and that will throw things into high gear.

I was trying to plan a trip to the annual markets but the first is ON Beckett's birthday and the second coincides with something else that will prevent me from going. I did my best to try to work around it, but can't make it work so I can only think it was because I wasn't meant to go. There is another smaller one in August and I'll plan far in advance to attend that one.

Today I'm having lunch for Valentine's Day with the women in the neighborhood and I'm happy to be included.

People have been stopping by the gallery daily. Some don't know the former gallery closed, some are curious about the new one, some are friends who are stopping in to see how we're doing and some are artists interested in scheduling review appointments. It's the third that means the most. It is hard to believe the number of friends Doug and I have made since we moved here in July. I had dinner with two last Thursday. I picked Dani, our neighbor, up and we drove to the gallery where we met up with Sheila from Children's Choice. We stayed at the gallery for quite awhile and chatted and then made our way to dinner. The food was great but the company better. It was such a nice evening and periodically I thought to myself how naturally friendships develop, and how I remembered in September or October thinking about how long it would be before Doug and I developed a circle of friends here. It happened so quickly, and now with the business, it will continue. Saturday night we had a date and ended at the Mexican restaurant in town for dessert and an after-dinner drink. We chatted with the owners a bit who I had met at the Historic Monument Merchants Association meeting earlier in the week.

There is a buzz in town over the new gallery. The former owners were and are such a force in the community, the location is highly visible and our store is the anchor in the center it is in. Our neighbors told us that were out for dinner at a small restaurant in Palmer Lake last weekend and overheard another couple talking about the new gallery. They joined in and soon there was a conversation taking place about what we were planning to do. That kind of thing certainly can't hurt us. It is a small town and as I’ve said, it doesn’t take much to be a big fish if you’re in a small pond. Exactly the type of place we were meant to be and meant to open our store in, enough business and the right location to make it work, but not so overwhelming and competitive (and expensive) that we can’t get it off the ground.

Beckett’s birthday plans are in full swing and his gifts are arriving every day. I’ve become such an online shopper, but with everything going on, it really is a lifesaver. Today I’ll order the cake and plan the lunch menu. Beckett really loves PB&J sandwiches, crab and pizza. I’ll probably settle on the old kids’ party standby and order pizza.

Micki is in Las Vegas for the week, she’ll be back on Friday and back in. I have much on my plate to accomplish while she’s gone and it’s good to have the impetus to set some firm deadlines and power through some of the work. It will be quiet and I’ll be less likely to do as much running around, so I anticipate great strides made in the next four days.

Toddler to Little Boy

Beckett will turn three in eleven days, and the changes in him are remarkable. It seems that overnight he is more reasonable, and more fun. Our neighbors were over yesterday to watch the Superbowl and made the same comment, particularly with his vocabulary.

We are planning a small party for him and inviting his friends from preschool. It is a small class so there will only be five other kids here, if they can make it. When I told Beckett about it, he was incredulous. He repeatedly confirmed with me that his friends were indeed going to be coming to his house, this house, to play, really? It was very sweet.

First Scrapbook Item

We were mentioned in an article about the former gallery owner's retirement that appeared in the monthly community newspaper here in Monument. The article ended with a paragraph about there being good news, that we were continuing the tradition and vision for the space by opening a new gallery in it and the former owner stating that she hoped the community supported us. Very nice.

Clearer Every Day

Since my last post, Randy has finished painting and I have begun filling. So far, only furniture that will serve as display and merchandising. But the look and feel of Second Street Art Market becomes more and more clear. I am starting to envision where things will be and how they will be displayed. Each little piece of the puzzle, whether it is a print rack or painting or basket weaving or piece of pottery is starting to show up in the gallery when I close my eyes and imagine what it will look like.

Last night I spent hours revisiting websites and researching artists, thank goodness for the internet. I have folders upon folders containing my hit lists. Micki is busy scheduling appointments with the artists who were in the gallery in its former iteration. I hope to get through most of those next week and make a decision as to whether or not we will extend an invitation for them to return.

I am anxious to finish the logo, start preparing the artist application and agreement and other collateral materials. Deja vu to the South Coast Fine Arts Festival, when the vision became so clear that I couldn’t produce the ancillary materials I had stored in my brain fast enough. It was more as though they were simply waiting to escape and go from visions to words and images on paper.

Doug has an idea for one piece of furniture I came back with. It is a claw-foot pedestal table that has been painted white. I’m not certain how to describe what he is going to do, but if it works, I could see similarly-painted pieces here and there throughout the store as anchors to define the look.

The walls went from a peacy-color to taupe, which looks almost off-white with the amount of lighting there is. Yesterday we also went and picked out more lighting to replace the shop lights that were in my office, behind the counter and in the kitchen. We got more flourescents for the kitchen, but cooler versions. Behind the counter we will have tracks with pendants and in my office, one strip of track with very bright, very white light and one pendant. The back wall of my office is painted to look like raku pottery with swirls of golds and reds and blues—it honestly isn’t “me” in any way. However, I picked up one of the blues from that wall and painted one of the other walls with that color. It actually completes it and with the taupe from the main gallery walls, it does look like it was planned rather than an accident.

In the bathroom and hallway, we picked up a green that is in the sink in the bathroom. The main wall in the hallway, is painted that color and one wall in the bathroom, along with the cabinet in the bathroom. To complete it, the bathroom will need newer fixtures for the sink and a new light fixture. Both can be reasonably priced and simple, but with a style that is reflective of everything else we’ve done. There is a slate table on Craig’s List that I think will be perfect in the kitchen, if it isn’t already sold.

Another shop has opened, called Margo’s on the Alley. It is in an alley off Second Street, behind another one of the furniture/home decor stores. It is nicely put together, but her pricepoints again are off for Monument. It is difficult to see, unless you know it’s there, and with the snow, absolutely impossible to park or walk to. I gingerly made my way down the alley carefully avoiding patches of ice in the packed snow. It was in the 40s yesterday, so adding to the ice was slush. It was a mess. I felt for her and was greatly relieved she had already rented the space when Doug drove by to look at it.

I have taken photographs, but have not had time to figure out how this new version of blogger works. When I click on the icon to add photos, nothing happens, so for now, you’ll just have to imagine what I’m describing.

This week along with working on artists, I need to get some of my woodworking projects in motion, schedule the lighting installation and get the carpet cleaned. That along with organizing what is already there in the workroom, behind the counter (cash-wrap I think it’s called) and in my office, I should remain as overwhelmed as ever.

Our neighbors are coming over to watch the game later, so I have my infamous chili brewing and enough snacks prepared to feed the whole neighborhood—my usual m.o.

It is good to feel like me again, and to feel as though I’m home.

Organized and Driven

The gallery was all abuzz with activity yesterday. Randy is still painting, but making great progress. The main room is finished, the counter area is 90 percent finished, which leaves only the my office, the hallway, restroom and kitchen. All of which he says he’ll knock out today.

Aga, who cleans our house, is coming to the gallery today to tackle the workroom, since we aren’t painting it. It needs a very thorough ceiling to floor cleaning since that is where we will store new product, Doug may frame paintings, we’ll put prints and mattes together, etc. Thursday I’ll have the carpets cleaned and then we can start moving things in. Yesterday we also got our phone, internet and alarm service set up.

Today I will tackle the decisions on the lighting, and try once again to get ahold of the sign company, who is the only cog in the wheel, since they aren’t returning any phone calls and were the ones who did the sign originally.

A couple of artists stopped by yesterday for us to review their work. Two were solicited by us, the other wasn’t. The second artist was a painter, and I have to say I didn’t care for his work, but was completely out of my element in reviewing it and responding. Doug gave me some directives as to what to do, but I pushed him to come and help me. He was great. He took right over, properly reviewed the work, ask appropriate questions and then wrapped it up by saying we’d keep his materials and photos of his work on file for future reference.

With the two that were solicited, he did equally well in his review. He is much more of an art critic than I am and that is how it should be. I know immediately if I think something is appropriate for the gallery and whether I think it will sell or not. But when you get down to how the artist will grow while at the gallery, what there goals for their art are, directions they plan to go in, what further training they’re getting or learning they’re doing . . . along with what their original training has been and how they’ve expanded it through the years, their approach, etc. Doug was brilliant. I was sincerely proud and in a little bit of awe of him.

When we were talking with the third and final artist, Doug talked about me a little bit. He told her that I was very, very organized, and very driven. Both good things, except when what you’d really like to do is just sit in a lawn chair and relax. Ummm, okay. I guess that was a compliment and a reminder at the same time.

I suppose I’ve always been an “as-soon-as-I girl.” As soon as I finish this or that I’ll relax. Gotta work on that.

Gallery, Store, Market?

I go back and forth, sometimes calling Second Street Art Market the gallery and sometimes the store. Neither seem to be right. Market wouldn’t sound right either. When someone asks what we’re doing, I hesitate, because I don’t know whether to say we’re opening a gallery or store, because again, neither seem exactly right. I don’t want to say we’re opening an art store, because that sounds like we sell art supplies.

Regardless, I am anxious to spend the day there today, getting some things set up. The painter is still painting, but we aren’t painting the workroom, or the supply closet, and there are certainly things I can get put away into drawers, file cabinets, kitchen cabinets, etc. Our phones and internet access get set up today, which will make working there much easier.

This weekend Doug and I did a lot of driving. Saturday we went south, looking for office supply stuff. We checked out a couple of used office supply places only to find that OfficeMax was half the price of the used stuff. By the time we got to OfficeMax the boys were tired and cranky. Frank didn’t feel good and Beckett was in serious need of a nap. We got what we needed anyway, so at least we accomplished something. Sometimes finding out a place doesn’t have something is as much of an accomplishment, because at least you won’t go back again.

Yesterday we went north. We stopped in Castle Rock at the Barn and I picked up a couple of great things for display/merchandising. There is certainly an abundance of that type of thing there. I could probably get just about everything I need, with the exception of jewelry cases, at the Barn, but it may make more sense to check out places like Goodwill or Salvation Army first and see if I can save some money.

We also went up to Park Meadow and visited Anthropologie and Urban Outfitters, both for display ideas. Walking around the mall, we got further ideas, or solidified ideas based on things Restoration Hardware, Williams Sonoma, etc. did with their displays. As a woman, who has wanted to open a store for a very long time, I have paid attention to displays and merchandising for an equally long amount of time. This trip’s main purpose was for Doug to see what types of things would work, and how simple it was. He was thinking we would have to go to more of a pre-fab commercial look with racks and shelves, etc.

Today my main focus, other than organizing the office, will be to set further appointments with local artists, and then contact artists whose information I picked up last Friday. When I did a verbal checklist with Doug about what types of products I had found vendors for, I was very pleasantly surprised at how extensive the list was.

I’m hoping Doug will make extensive progress on the logo today, and that tomorrow I can get a splash page up at least for the . . . um . . . gallery? store? market?

Weeding Out

I am working hard to do away with feeling compelled to work twenty hours a day. If I’m not accomplishing something, I feel as though I should be. My kids know I’m good at “getting things done.” But do they know anything else about me? It isn’t a question I really want to ponder at the end of the day when I’m tired.

Today was one of those days of getting things done, or trying to. We spent far more time driving to and from places that didn’t have what we were looking for than anything else.

Friday I let go of a project I should’ve let go of a long time ago. Such a relief. It was a project I never really wanted to work on, but accepted just because I would’ve felt guilty not doing so. Today I said a resounding NO to an author who would continue to make changes to her book until the day she died and never get it to print, but would somehow find a way to convince herself it wasn’t her doing so she felt better about it. This is someone who talked me into doing her book for a cut-rate and then proceeded to continue on with changes that should have cost her five-times what she was paying. Her book went to the printer (after nine months) last Wednesday and I’ve never been happier to see something go. She wanted to add yet another few paragraphs so I suggested she ask the printer to do it for her or find someone else willing to. I am a magnet for authors like her. Either that or I’ve always been the only one they could find willing to put up with their nonsense.

I have one book in final stages before galley, one in edit, another slated to start layout (very short and sweet), and one on its way supposedly, but I am in no hurry to get it. I long for the day I can decline to work on them if I want to. I’m not certain at what point I’ll feel secure enough to not work twenty hours a day. I hope it happens eventually.

I had an artist stop by the gallery today when we were there to drop something off. He was in town from California and wanted me to review his work for consideration to put it in. I started to, and then asked if he could come back Monday morning, which he gladly agreed to. I doubt I will have trouble finding enough artists, more likely it will be hard to choose which ones.

What is really only ten days ago?

I just scrolled down the blog and couldn’t be happier that I am keeping track of this process. I cannot believe it was ten days ago that I wrote to check back in two weeks, that we might be gallery owners. Holy smokes.

Following Along

This week has been much like last week was. Whatever force is guiding me, I feel as though I am merely following along. Ideas come to me from out of nowhere, things are put in front of me that make no sense, and then five minutes or two hours later, something will dawn on me and I’ll remember what it was I just saw and pay attention.

The painters begin painting today. Two of them, two completely different directions. Randy the painter will begin painting the gallery, and Doug is set up to start painting in his studio. He has also set up an area in the garage with his flat files and an easel so he has a place to paint larger watercolors.

He is inspired by the potential of collaberation. Years of ideas are flowing out of him. Doug has always been committed to lifelong learning. He loves to learn. He listens to the artists we’re interviewing and he is filled with ideas about things he wants to do or try or learn about. He walks around our house and says, “you know, things like this. We could . . .”

I spent yesterday with Micki, who has worked in the gallery in it’s former iteration for fifteen years. And years of ideas are flowing from her as well. She is cautious, I think holding back so as not to overstep what she considers her bounds. But from time to time she’ll get very enthusiastic about something and let on that she has wanted to do something like this for so long, or she always thought something would be a good idea.

I become more and more inspired by the input I’m getting and also by the name. The possibilities for marketing are endless. Second Street Art Market fits the image I have in my mind of the space like a glove—who I want us to be in the community, how I want people to respond to us. The possibilities for merchandising are likewise endless. In the summer there is a farmer’s market on Saturdays a block away from us on Second Street. In front of the gallery there is a garden with a grassy area, benches and some sculpture. We could set up the tent Doug has used for art shows and not only have artists outside to draw attention, but make it an event. The artists could be working and doing demonstrations, have projects for kids to work on—it will be as necessary to stop at the art market as it is to visit the farmer’s market on Saturday morning.

I was sitting here imaging a beautiful summer Saturday, with all of this taking place. In my mind, there is an artist—a recording artist—set up like Syd and Patrick were at our house this summer, playing guitar and singing, signing and selling their CDs. Thad, a potter, has a potting wheel set up where kids can watch and maybe even get a little messy. Doug is painting Mt. Hermann which we have a picture perfect view of.

And then . . . I actually laugh out loud because I imagine what I will be doing. As emotional as I get about things, I’ll probably be walking around crying. I guess people will get used to it. “There she goes again,” they’ll say. Strangers will say, “Why is she crying?” And someone will answer, “This is her dream, she gets a little emotional about it.” Or people will simply think I’m batty. I should probably try not to walk around crying.

Second Street Art Market

Come in and feed your soul.

The First Day of the Rest of Our Lives

On Sunday afternoon Doug said to Frank, “Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of our lives.” And I guess it always is. Frank wanted to know what Doug meant and he explained that as of Monday, we would be starting a new chapter, one that would define the next five years for us at least, and maybe longer.

Yesterday ended up being a day pretty much like any other. It was a snow day, although for the life of me, I have no idea why. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and when I looked out the window at 7:00am, everything had a beautiful pink glow. Beckett went to preschool, but we let Frank stay home one more day in order to combat his cough.

I went to the gallery in the morning to get keys, transfer utilities, do a final wrap-up of sorts. It was very hectic with things being moved out. I recognized the frenetic pace of someone needing to get everything they possibly could done before leaving for two weeks, because nothing could wait until they got back. I reassured them that whatever wasn’t finished could in fact wait until they got back and they were appreciative.

I had an interview of sorts with Micki, who will stay on with us at the gallery and is very excited to do so. With fifteen years of experience, she will be invaluable to me. She is excited to learn more about Doug’s style of watercolor and anxious to see him paint, learn about his technique so she is better able to sell his work.

I spent the weekend moving my office out of my office and setting up a studio for Doug. He has the nicest space to paint in, by far, that he’s had in all the years I’ve known him. He is poised to let his creativity flow, and has whatever he needs to do so at his fingertips.

For me, today is the first day of the rest of our lives. After I drop the boys off at school, I’ll take my moving boxes and set up my office at the gallery. From today on, I will work there. Which means at least for the time being, I won’t be working at 3:40 in the morning.

Today I will start contacting artists and setting up times for Doug and I to review their work. I’ll nail down my operating business plan as best I can so we have a road map to follow, at least for now. I’ll start our first budget and work on our website. And I’ll do my best to finish up some of the other projects I have going right now, even though I have little interest in doing so. However, I am up at this ridiculous hour in order to, so I suppose there still is hope for me, or not. Hard to say whether it’s a good thing or bad.

Fingers crossed. Lots of prayers. Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.

The Quiet Woman

I remember my friends Sean and Lynne telling stories about the days and weeks right after they purchased the Quiet Woman restaurant in the early 1990s. The restaurant had been in business for a number of years when they bought it, and while I don’t remember what they paid for it, I do remember that to me, it was a staggering amount of money.

Sean said he rarely slept in those first few days and weeks, constantly waking Lynne to ask her what they had done, how would they make it work, what tragedies were on the road ahead of them. I don’t think Lynne ever said what it was she said when he asked those questions, perhaps all she did was listen and reassure him that they had made the decision they had for a reason, that all indicators pointed in the direction of success, and that she believed they would do well. If they hadn’t, I cannot say what I think would have happened to their marriage, it may be that they would have worked through it and been just fine, or at least made it through.

They never had to cross that bridge however, because the restaurant remained wildly successful, and profitable. I know they were able to remodel their house, then buy a new and better one, buy an airplane, buy a large yacht with which they took, the last I knew, at least two or three years off and sailed around the world. Lynne would fly back from whatever port they were in from time to time as she was needed, but they and their two children have had adventures I can only imagine, and some perhaps I cannot.

This venture we are about to undertake will be a roller coaster for Doug and I. I am an eternal optimist. I wake up every morning excited about the possibilties in the day ahead. Doug is the opposite. He’s a little Charlie Brown-ish. Got some Eyore in him. There is always a little black cloud he can’t seem to wave away. Getting through the worry that every business owner faces will be hard for him. He’s working through it by working on things, which I always find helps. Put one foot in front of the other and forge ahead, and then I always feel better.

I don’t have blinders on, I know how much work this is going to be. And when I say I know, believe me, I know. I have been in business for myself since I was twenty-five years old. I have had to make my own way all those years, rarely with any safety net, and that includes the time since I’ve been married. And in all those years, I have had a business based on service alone, nothing tangible. If my brain wasn’t cooperating, there was no one to fall back on. If I didn’t feel like working and instead wanted to spend my days reading the paper, surfing the web, hanging out, not doing much of anything, I would’ve paid dearly for it.

I haven’t heard from Sean and Lynne this year, I usually get a Christmas card from them. And I haven’t been in their restaurant in more than five years. My restaurant-going ways changed considerably when I became a mother, as do everyone’s. I would imagine the Quiet Woman still enjoys the success it always has, maybe not. There are probably good years and bad, good months and bad, good days and bad. But regardless, I believe it has been mostly good, and they have reaped the rewards of it being so.

The Painted Veil

We saw the Painted Veil last night with our neighbors. Naomi Watts and Edward Norton’s acting was exemplary. A little slow, predictable and somewhat dark, but good.

Birth Announcement

We are pleased and proud to announce that we have officially signed the lease and will take possession of the gallery in Monument tomorrow. It will be called Second Street Arts.

We signed the lease on Friday, and I, of course, would periodically get very emotional. In the past twelve years, Doug and I have often done business together, but not officially. We’ve worked on projects together, I’ve helped him with art shows, he’s helped me with book covers. But this is something different entirely.

Ten years ago, Doug and I were in Paso Robles for the annual wine festival. We decided, serendipitously, that Cambria really meant something to us and we would go over and see if we thought Cambria Pines Lodge would be a good place for us to get married.

Driving on Highway 46 over the rolling hills with the panaromic view of the ocean (yes, there are some things I miss about California), Doug out of the blue said, “I think we should open a store in San Luis Obispo. We could sell my watercolors, garden art, music, all the things you love. We could have college students work in the afternoons, evenings and weekends so you could be with the kids [we didn’t yet have any at the time]. You could run the store and I could create art for it.” I closed my eyes and it all sounded like heaven to me. I’ve never forgotten that conversation, and I’ve never let go of the dream to make it a reality.

And here we are. It’s not in San Luis Obispo, it’s in Monument, but otherwise the dream remains the same.

When planning the move to Colorado Springs, having a store was certainly a goal for me. I brought it up constantly, but getting it set up and going was daunting, and the capital required to do it was more daunting. Or vice versa, both may be equally daunting.

I heard about the gallery closing. I brought it up to Doug casually. He heard me but didn’t have much of a response. I drove by on Monday, called the real estate agent listed on their sign, talked to him about the lease a little bit, went home and talked to Doug. Again he heard me but didn’t have much of a response. I called my neighbor and she and I went over to the gallery. I talked to the owner, expressed some interest, and went home and talked to Doug again. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I spent a great deal of time talking to Doug, and doing research, and talking to our accountant, and lawyer, and parents. And with all the stars in perfect alignment, all the ducks in a row, all economic and logical indicators pointing in the right direction, or some force driving us—we agreed to take the leap of faith and do this thing. (See the posts on January 16th—this all is truly amazing.)

Friday as we were walking around the gallery talking to artists, painters, handymen, friends, realtors, former owners and employees, I would look over and catch Doug’s eye. We both had silly grins on our faces, and I would get tears in my eyes. Tears of happiness of course. And pride. I am so proud of my husband. He is wildly creative and talented. This thing we’re doing was his inspiration initially. He saw something in me all those years ago and knew how good of a fit this would be. There is no question that this is outside of his comfort zone. Doug is not a risk-taker, at all. But he believes this is one worth taking, and I am especially proud of him for believing in himself and in me.

The absolute best part is that this is ours. His and mine. And it is something we will do together, each with our individual roles, but relying on one other as sounding board and partner.

Snow on Snow

The doyens of public relations in the Colorado Springs area have two things they regularly tout. The first is there are 395 sunny days per year in Colorado Springs, and that remains close to true. Second, it never snows on snow. This year has thrown number two straight out the window.
(High: 23°F / Low: 5°F with light snow)

Wondering . . .

. . . why we moved here? Check this out. And this (Monument Rock).

Envy

My how I envy the talent of my friend Shelly Strazis. And so enjoy getting glimpses of some of our friends and their children on her website. It seems to me that Monument, Colorado would be an excellent place for her to visit and photograph.

Stop, Look and Listen

Beckett quotes “stop, look and listen” frequently from what he hears at school. The hand movements he uses along with it are probably close to what his teacher does, although he points to the top of his head when he gets to “listen” rather than his ear.

When Frank was about Beckett’s age or a little younger, I scolded him for something. His big brown eyes filled with tears and I immediately said, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings,” tossled his hair and rubbed the top of his head. I think to this day whenever Frank says, “That hurt my feelings,” he rubs the top of his head.

Today stop, look and listen refers to the fact that I’ve updated my “I’m listening to . . .” and “I’m reading . . .” blogrolls. Once I get the URLs for my recent iMix posts I’ll add those too. There’s some great music on the blogroll, check it out!