Eight days until I add another year on my officially proclaimed age. I’ve never been secretive about it, I’m happy to be here, happy to celebrate another year that I’ve walked the face of the earth.
This has been a big year in terms of accomplishment, as well as letting go of preconceived notions, and more importantly, letting go of people who make my life harder than it should be.
It isn’t easy to let go of people. I especially don’t like it when I’m on the highway and suddenly realize my thoughts have drifted back to one of them. The hurt resurfaces, the questions about what I might have been able to do differently come back to haunt me. I typically shake my head and take in a deep breath when it happens. If Frank is in the car with me he'll say, "What?" I don't answer. It isn’t something I want to talk about. Shaking my head is about getting those thoughts out of it, not rehashing it. Usually the worst part of it is realizing that I knew all along, I just hadn’t listened to my instincts screaming at me to stay far, far away. And then I feel foolish, for believing in the first place.
I wish I had learned these lessons when I was younger. I would’ve put more time and energy into people who showed me time and time again that I mattered as much to them as they did to me. I would’ve spent much less time and energy on strangers, who would never become friends, no matter how much I tried to make them so.
As I go into 2014, I am making myself a promise to make sure my energy remains focused in the direction it should be. I will make a conscious effort to stay away from people who are shiny and new, until I know that once their shine wears off on the surface, it brightens on the inside.
No comments:
Post a Comment