Say It, Just Say It

I’ve probably posted about this before, but I have become increasingly frustrated as of late with lack of response. 

It is common knowledge among anyone who has planned an event, that the majority of people do not RSVP. In my etiquette classes, I ask the students to RSVP for the class every week. If they do not, I give them one pass, and then every time thereafter I do not have materials set up or snacks for them. It is to teach them that if they don’t RSVP, they are not expected. Admittedly, I’ve never had to withhold snacks from my manners students, they’ve gotten it after the first warning. Yes, we're having a party Saturday, I am particularly sensitive on the subject of RSVPs this week.

I’m also frustrated with lack of response in other ways. I send emails or leave voice messages with people, who just don’t respond. Many times I am on a deadline and require certain information. If they would simply respond, whether they had the information or not, I could take it off my list of things to worry about. It holds true with vendors as well, and other professionals. Rather than saying they can’t do whatever it is, they simply never respond. I know of a local professional who had their license suspended, and that was one of the reasons. We happened to be one of many recipients of their lack of response. Although, we dropped it. Evidently others did not.

I have a client who always responds at the last minute, typically with great urgency, when they need something. When they don’t need something, they don’t respond to me at all. I’m sorry to say that I have more than one client who does this. They will go so far as to call my personal cell number, multiple times at all hours, if I don’t respond within a few minutes. Evidently they don’t realize that I have other clients, may be in a meeting . . . or asleep. When the situation is reversed, I can go weeks without a response from them.

The other thing is . . . not doing what you say you’re going to do. It is much easier to simply say you’re not going to do it. No is a perfectly acceptable response to a question. If you say yes, but don’t really mean it, I am wasting time and sometimes money, not realizing you didn’t mean it. I don’t understand this response. 

I had another client who did this so often, that I started giving him the consequences of what it meant if he said yes to something and then didn’t follow through on it, upfront. Every single time (yes, every single time), he changed his answer from yes to no. I cannot imagine the relief he must’ve felt. Rather than having to waste energy avoiding me, until he needed something desperately, we didn’t have any issues. I asked, he said no, end of story. 

I probably wrote this about people volunteering to be beta readers. They volunteer to read, then don’t, then feel the need to avoid me. The avoidance hurts my feelings far more than not volunteering in the first place. No one has ever hurt my feelings by not volunteering for something. I assume that they are busy with other things, in the same way I am when I don’t raise my hand to serve on a committee, or read someone’s book, or whatever. 

So when I say, Say It, Just Say It . . . just tell me. Don’t avoid me, don’t lie to me, don’t say yes when you don’t mean it. It’ll save both of us so much stress.