A Blessing and a Curse

An empty house is both a blessing and a curse. The boys aren't gone yet, they're not leaving until tomorrow morning. However, I am starting to get that feeling of dread whenever they go away. When Doug starts talking about it, I always think I'm fine; I say to myself, wow, this time I'm not going to worry about them. Yeah sure. I wish I was able to selectively turn off the worry button in my brain.

I am doing my absolute best to simply celebrate that for the next week, I don't care what they wear or how many days in a row they wear it. Frank could pick out anything he wanted to take, his rattiest t-shirt, his white basketball shorts that are covered in stains—I don't care! It is so freeing, for both of us. I've had to pack their clothes for them (but not pick them out), make sure they took their toothbrushes and toothpaste, make a few food items they can heat up for dinner, and that is it! Camping is definitely Doug's deal.

The 0lder they get, the less they'll need my help, and then I'll be sad that they are growing up and don't need me anymore. Foreshadowing I can almost promise I won't complain when they come home from college and haven't done any laundry for a whole semester, or want me to cook all their favorite dishes for days on end.

There are days that I am sad we never had a little girl, but then there are plenty of other days that I am simply very happy to be the mother of two boys.

Today we stopped by High Country to pick up the firewood Woody so kindly brought up to his store for Doug to take on the trip. Woody and Cathy both, along with the other Cathy (Green), all commented jokingly about what I would do with myself while the boys were gone. Woody was the first to answer that it is more than likely I will work night and day and get twelve million projects done. He knows me all too well.

What he doesn't know is that this time is also a gift from Doug; time for me to relax, have some alone time, get my head back on straight and gear up for the days ahead. I hope to be purposeful and present and do just that.