Thankful Day Twenty-Eight - Memories

Thanksgiving dinner is in the works . . . nothing left for me to do but take things out of the oven, open a bottle of wine, and enjoy the celebration of the holiday with my family. 

This year, I’m thankful for memories. As with every holiday, I miss my mom. Thanksgiving seems to hit me especially hard. She and I had a tradition of making the stuffing, getting the turkey in the oven, going out for breakfast, and then to the grocery store for the handful of things I always forget. 

The list of things forgotten sat on the kitchen counter this morning, while Doug made breakfast. Could we live without whipped cream for the pumpkin pie? Yes, probably. Could Doug live without the cherry pie I didn’t know he wanted me to make? Yes, we could live without that too. 

Are you going to go to the grocery store? he asked me. No, I wasn’t. Three years ago, I went alone. In the middle of one of the aisles, I had to abandon my cart as I ran out to the car, sobbing . . . missing my mother so much I couldn’t breathe. Would I risk it again this year? No, I couldn’t. What if I went with you? he said. Okay, that might work. 

I made it. No tears in the grocery store. No tears at all, until now. 

My mother wasn’t the easiest person to be around, but that doesn’t make me miss her any less. I am calmer on Thanksgiving, and every other holiday, without her here. That is the sad truth. Nothing stresses me out about the day, like it used to when she was here. But I remain thankful for the memories anyway. Those with her, and those with my grandparents, who I miss every single day too.

I make my grandmother’s stuffing. That is all I remember about Thanksgiving dinners with them. That, and making whipped cream. I still have the electric hand beater that belonged to her, and it still works. I only use it for whipped cream, although last year I caught Doug using it to mix big, heavy batches of paper maché. He almost lost his life that day. 

I’m thankful for the memories, the good and the not-so-good. I’m thankful to Doug for making new memories with me every day, holiday or not.